intimacy, scaring me, opportunities
wish I had it under control, 'cause you never know, of the possibilities
all I wanted was love, maybe some help from above
we're all on our own when push comes to shove

it started on the pool deck June 2008
the first love of my life standing there at the gate
with a friend of mine I couldn't help starting to hate
bit my tongue and got a stomach ache from words I ate
nobody's guilty of anything, nobody's property
i let my mind spin these stories improperly
at the end of the day it's all futility
it's so hard to gauge my level of humility

it's spirit week, homecoming night
invited a girl over that I really liked
but I wouldn't let her come all out of fright
panic attack from weed, tears blinded my sight
face down upstairs whimpering in my bedroom
screaming into the ground like I was howling at the moon
who knows what would have become of her
if I had myself under control taking a night off from the reefer

the room was spinning upstairs at my friend's house
couple of girls I liked tried to get me off the couch
unable to speak words, turnt up on liquor and herb
kinda dodged a bullet there, because that night got absurd
cops came to the basement to scare off underaged kids
slept through the whole thing, in my pocket an ounce of mids
I used to sling seedy weed for cheap to sleazy people
lasted 2 months doing that shit, the amount I smoked and sold was equal

one day at my house, a larger gathering than usual
passed out early from all the shots I took and blunts I pulled
the girl I loved rolled up later in the night
fucked my best friend in the woods out of everyone's sight
and I woke up in the morning, saw a condom in the driveway
that shit was used, I had pick it up throw it away
I've never chain smoked so many cigarettes in one day
I just let that shit go, what the hell could I say

I had gym class with a cute girl I didn't know well
I guess my three point shooting had her under a spell
she made it verbally obvious to me everyday
that she wanted to get with me and go all the way
the feeling was mutual, but my fears kept is neutral
her dad was a cop, that excuse was my loophole
when in reality, I was just scared of intimacy
it seemed too good to be true, always overwhelming me