I've never felt so desperate before
Vomiting my stomach contents on the floor
And I know by now that when it rains, it pours
Showers of sugar within my canker sores
Finally I started making the connection
Horrified by my own ugly complexion
Cystic pimples and a speech impediment
Fuck your pity, I don't need the sentiment
All the sediment, years of decay
I learned the hard way when I tried to pray
That there's nothing up there giving a shit
You gotta be your own god, gotta make it a habit
Drugs and booze grippin' me like a vice
That's why it took me five years to get this shit nice
Got a bunch of talent all going to waste
Life could end any second so I gotta make haste
Come into my life if you want yours ruined
Become part of the mess that I'm always brewin'
festering, negative thoughts fermenting
After my god father died I never stopped lamenting
I just wanna be loved for a single second
That shit ain't never gonna happen I done reckon
I'd look a little better if I weren't sulking
constant self-loathing, suicidal ideation
walking back and forth always pacing
the end of everyday I'm always chasing
Met most of the girls I loved through social media
Should've only used the internet for encyclopedias
I was in a hospital bed for 4 months
that's why I've always kept solitude on the forefront
always alone, with my head in a throne
reading what I don't want to see on my phone

some people never win, not everyone can be beautiful

I hope I never have a daughter or a son
The only thing worse than taking life is giving one
But I don't blame my parents for being unaware
that their son was gonna live a full life of despair
Walking on egg shells that don't exist
Every ship that sailed, all that love I've missed
could've lost my virginity when I was 12 years old
but I didn't trust that bitch from what I was told
always had a group of introverted friends
I remained a child while they became men
went to the bad boy school in the winter
to escape the fear of the building that I enter
when I spend a half day wasting time away
trying to make it out alive in the month of may
I have a vast array of inconsistent emotions
lost in the ocean of my mind always swimming
never finding shore, the shit's become a chore
feeling like I have nothing left to explore
I know what you all think, you don't have to say shit
otherwise you'll end up being a fucking hypocrite
trying to comfort me when you know you can't
I'm always gonna be in the same fetal stance
Trying to get my friend group narrower than a scalpel
easier said than done, it's a mouthful
to tell people to fuck off in a nice way
when we're down the street from school smoking weed in my driveway
I bet you've never heard more neurotic shit
from a jaded motherfucker at the end of wit
trust me I'd rather be braggin' about getting it in
but I'm playing a fucking game that I'll never win
Committing sins, fuck your religion
always wishing I could meet some aliens